I hate Olongapo because Lolito Go, who is still

on the loose impersonating me, was born and

raised there. I hate Olongapo because it claims a

Wowie de Guzman and a reggaeist named Blakdyak.

I hate Olongapo because the legend of "Ulo ng Apo"

sucks. I hate Olongapo because it is four hours from

Manila, eight hours from Baguio and a lightyear from

Jeddah. I hate Olongapo because they have a mall

the size of a urinal; beside that mall sits a statue

of Freddie Aguilar that looks like a squirrel (raccoon?)

I hate Olongapo because their city library, I guess,

updates only every after a century or two. I hate

Olongapo because beach and bitch are homonyms.

I hate Olongapo because just last Friday I bumped

into a tree and aloud the people laughed. I hate

Olongapo because videokes operate there per one

hundred square meters but it’s not the machine I hate

it’s the singers, I mean, the stingers who won’t let me

sleep. I hate Olongapo because, honestly, I was having

a hard time thinking what else I could hate about it.

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