I Live To Deliver
I remember a FedEx commercial which shows breath-taking scenes of how they bait a potential recruit. It’s funny, but I cannot quite be sure about certain details since they stopped airing it some years ago. But if my memory serves me right, it stars an everyman who, oblivious of the scheme, manages to outsmart every difficult situation prearranged for him by FedEx. He finally ends up being snatched by men from inside the company’s truck. What a great catch. He deserves a job inarguably. But we are left forever unsure of whether that man needs a job, whether he likes the suddenness of it. Nevertheless, it is one of my all-time favorite 30-seconders.
Earlier today, while I’m in my locked-up isolation contemplating solitude itself, I chanced upon an old paperback that begs to be salvaged. Because my mother likes to trash kilograms of papers my five years in youth council had amassed, and because she does not distinguish between the disposable and reusable documents, I decided to scavenge the plastic bag to which she stacks all the potential candidates for the trash bin and hoped I could pick-up something of value. There I found the book along with some science journals, office documents, assorted billings, subpoenas from Smartbro’s smart-ass law partners, personal notes, etc. Thouless’ Straight and Crooked Thinking outshines the rest. Something in its cover told me I would need it and it paid to trust that instinct. The book discusses how to get rid or to counter sophisms and other intellectual dishonesties. Interesting, I thought. And after reading the first half of it, I realized how I suck at analogies; that my analogies are forced, forceless and fuzzy; that my last entry contains such, and therefore is utterly nonsensical. By the way, I haven’t given up on analogies.
There’s something in that ambush-hiring extravaganza I mentioned in the beginning that resembles my current affairs of the heart. One and probably foremost is that, I did not seek this love I have right now. It sought me. It lurked from a distance and grabbed me with a force of a black hole the moment it had the slightest of chances. The man in the ad did not fill up a form, neither did he fall in a long queue of sweating applicants, nor did he wait for his turn to impress an employer. He did not seek a job, it is the other way around. The man writing now did not schedule a plan, did not wear any guise, did not put up a trick towards winning her girl.
Now a question: Do I place an instant job and my instant girlfriend in the same level of significance?
My answer is yes.
Because landing a spot at an express delivery company, one of the biggest in the world if not the biggest; one of the most trusted if not the most trusted; is only, and will remain only, a dream for many other hard-working, meager-earning proletarians. Likewise a beautiful lady landing into your hands, a lady whose family owns a big fraction of an entire province, whose family with its equals dictates the political climate of this country, whose material worth is matched with her exemplary virtues (and exemplary bosoms), proof to it is her choice to become independent, to secure several jobs outside the country just so she can sustain the various charity works she had been doing so quietly, is only, and will remain only, a fantasy for many hard-wanking mediocrities of this earth. The man in the ad is skilled with solving the physical riddles of everyday encounters, I don’t know if I am as impressive enough in solving whatever riddled her. At least in her eyes, I delivered well.
But there’s the rub. In the ad we are left clueless about the readiness of the man to accept the very challenging job. Or does he really need a job? Granting that he was scouted and found to be an honest, skillful gentleman who seems in need of a livelihood; still, no one can be sure what goes around inside his head. He maybe in a financial low, but who knows if he adheres to his ascetic nature and does not want anything more than a simple living like that of, let’s say, a plumber? There are maybes. Of course they cannot tell the whole story in 30 seconds. And if ever there is a story behind that, they should have made a film instead, which would be soppy and stupid nonetheless. I know I am beginning to sound hilariously speculative. The purpose of the ad is focused solely with showing that they employ only the best, it is not inclined with pandering to the great many possibilities of human nature. It is pointless to broaden its meaning. But then we really love to think that the man in the ad took the offer, did well in the training course, gradually coped with the new working environment and finally learned to price and love the job which he now believes to have come to him thru the grace of heaven.
For analogy’s sake, I have to say that no one can be sure what goes around inside my head too. I am in a financial low, but I tend to adhere to my hermetic nature. Do I really want more than a simple lifestyle like that of, let’s say a writer? Am I ready for a steady, serious relationship? Do I like the suddenness of things? Can I survive the demands of time?
Two weeks ago, I wrote about something like: give me this break that I want. With break I meant I have to gather myself up first, to adapt with the new template caused by her sudden omnipresence. She gave me a break and waited with utmost fidelity. Now I slowly recover from thick surprises. I should then consider that all the everyday squabbles we have is just a part of my training course, designed for a novice lover. As novice pilots too undergo drills to master the unpredictables of the altitude.
By accepting the love, her love, I am bound to accept the terms and agreements attached therewith. That first, I will undergo a training, to prepare me for a plunge into the realms of emotional commitments. Them I will do my best to carry out the duties of love with pride, honesty and loyalty. And finally, despite great distance and great obstacles, I will live to deliver that love, complete and exact.
